I write to the powerful mic of the nighttime gospel coming from a church nearby. I write in a comfortably warm room, to the hum of the computer and the tick of the second hand that is forever revolving around the small hand being pulled by gravity, always limp, while the minutes keep a timely loop, desperately, around the hour of 6, always. And as I write, I gaze ahead of me and see a thick, camel-colored-with-roses printed drape that reminds me vaguely of Fraulein Maria's homemade garments, and the white wall that is tainted with dirty finger memories. It is a modest room, prepared for two, and taken by only me- on the empty bed lies a keyboard that I have yet to play. This room was Jake and Kelvin's, the two younger boys who are my host brothers, but the only sign of this fact is the set of matching football (soccer) field mats .
The picture is of Jake, who is the youngest boy, at 6. He is very smart and was a constant companion for the first days, in the pool, outside, inside, playing cards, watching TV (it is a big time passer in this household). He has a very cute way of mumbling Twi/English so fast that I can often not understand him, but his smile is priceless and his little way of swaggering with a soda in one hand and package of crackers in the other.
Kelvin is 11, and Baron is 13 and they were both a bit shyer, but also preoccupied (I will explain) so I didn't really get to know them that well. They had a way of walking around with fairly expressionless faces, until I smiled at them, and then they would flash me these beautiful grins.
Abena is 1, and my my is she chubby and cute! The IDEAL little African baby with bright eyes, always smelling of a very warm oil. When her expression changes from curiosity, it is almost always to delight, and they all call her Lady, except they say it like Ledy, ledy, ledy.
The girls, who are somehow related, but I have not gotten that far, are Nana, Abena and Afia- they are 12, 14, and 15. Nana has a great laugh, where she throws her head back and lets it bubble from the back of her throat. Afia is quieter but also enjoys laughing, especially at me when I try to speak Twi. Abena is my sister. She is witty and confidant, likes to tease and has this beautiful way of looking completely serious and then lifting her cheeks to reveal this smile of smiles. Mostly, she loves to make me mimic her speech, her dancing, her looks, and then laugh laugh laugh and I join right in. I have figured out that if I ever feel awkward, I have only to ask to learn some Twi and we will all end up having a good time.
Mama Faustina and Akua are the ladies of the kitchen and house, Mama being round and loud and Akua being compact and powerful in her thinness. Then there are the Uncles. I have barely attempted to learn names and am only beginning to catch onto which actually live here and which are just guys from the office. My "Dad" is a business man, and apparently it is a family business because his other brothers seem to work there too, as do all the various male inhabitants, but then some just come as business partners. They are all very nice and always shake my hand, which ends with both of us snapping our middle fingers together using our thumbs... its hard to explain but it is the local greeting. And as I've said, they all call me Afia.
Imagine me, on that first day, arriving to a house expecting Mom, and four kids, and meeting room full of people after room!
But here is the catch: three days after I arrived, the three boys, and the other older boy who I forgot to mention, he is a cousin, as well as Akua and a load of suitcases boarded a plane for South Africa because the boys need better education that what is offered in Ghana, and the family has a second home down there. Then only a few hours ago, Mama Faustina and baby Abena joined them, and within a few weeks Dad is going as well. They will live there all year and come back on vacations. Also, I learned that the three girls are going to school in another region and will not be living here either. I have not been able to get completely clear why they are hosting me if they knew about the move, but I think it is somewhere in between not knowing that they would have to leave so soon, and them being the first family to offer. It is surprising and frustrating how difficult the language barrier actually is- often I feel like my meaning is lost in accent and the general chaos of whatever is going on, so it has been hard clearing my confusion. They keep telling me not to worry and that I will not be lonely and all, but I will let you all know how the situation unfolds.
The worst part was how much I fell in love with all of them- and the constant interaction - which leaves a huge emptiness in the house. I miss them all even though it was only a few days that I knew them.
On a different note, today we had a drumming lesson set up by the AFS people. It was amazing, I already can't wait till Friday for another. By "we" I mean the four YES Abroad Ghana kids, me, Adam (CA), Anna (Missouri) and Meredith (Virgina).
The days have been long. I must be accompanied on walks, automatic deterrent, even though this is a really nice neighborhood- Dad insists on it- and as of yet there is nothing I know about to do. And none of the girls here really like to go out that much. Both the heat and the heavy carb-based diet make me lethargic, which is a downward spiral, so I've been trying to get out somehow everyday. I went to Dad's office with an Uncle, and listened to a room of large Ghanaian men shout in Twi/English about local politics for a few hours, then tried to have it all explained to me.... but I was left more baffled than when I was able to connect the dots of English using my imagination. Went for a very long walk with some other uncles all around and talked about Ghana and America. "Brother Ken" impressed upon me how much anyone in Ghana would give to go to America, so please, let us be grateful for where fate has landed us, because I think most of you reading this are on a computer in the US.
It is strange how far away the rest of my life feels. If it were not for this computer I would feel very isolated indeed. A picture of a friend fell out of my journal today, I had forgotten it was there, and just looking at it the first thing that came to mind was "wow, the rest of my life is real". There's no way to explain how that feels. It just comes from how excruciatingly long this week and a half has been, how completely ripped out of the fabric of my life I feel, my known life, my trusted life, the life that indeed ended me up here, I remind myself. I remind myself that I asked to be here, I worked to be here, I want to be here, and yes, the rest of the world will go on without me, and that this too will just become another chapter in my book (though right now it feels like I'm completely starting a new one- no pages to turn back to for a clue as to how the plot is supposed to go). But I also know how true it is that by feeling the blankness I am learning more about myself than all the pages of the desired familiarity can teach.
I hope this finds you all in peace and health.
PS I have to say I really appreciated the comments. Not that I'm expecting them now or anything, it was just nice to have the whole "rest of my world still existing" thing reaffirmed in those little notes. Thank you.
Asomdwee (peace)
Justine, Beautifully written as always. I am concerned, however, that nearly everyone in your host family is leaving... especially the mom, the dad, and the three older girls. Who will you be left in the house with? You've already thought of this but contacting the local AFS and explaining the situation may land you in a more suitable home:) Keep writing, we all love reading your thoughts. Mr M
ReplyDeletecontacting afs may be a really good idea if you do feel alone in the home. it might be a good idea to wait and see how things play out. but dont avoid switching homes because of a comfort level. When i was in France i was faced with a similar situation, a family that wasnt really present, but i didnt switch because i didnt want to be disloged again. dont do that, though those first couple days in a new home might be difficult you will in the long run be greatful, and dont worry about hurting the families feelings. be selfsish and get the best experience you can, you worked for it.
ReplyDeleteeverything sounds so beautiful, sounds, smell, taste. are you taking losts of pictures? are you drawing? are you writing in your diary? all of that will help the time go by. especially if yo make it a "project". take, pictures f everysingle plant that you can find, then draw them, ask about them, find out how they are grown, what they can be used for medicinally, or how they are cooked. or else, start doing artisitc photos of... people sitting, or walking or whatever. set a goal for your self, it will help you feel less bored. have you started school? that too will make the time go quicker.
Yes, your life here is real, and it is moving on without you, but no one is forgetting you. We all hold you dearly in our hearts, sending love to you at every chance that we get. Though you might feel alone, in a world where you dont have a secure network of friends, though you might feel like you impose on the family, or are just... different. your family is still here, as is your secure network of friends. we all love you and wish you the best. And when you come home, a new woman we will be here. you dont need to feel alone. lift your head up, feel the rays of african sun, listen to the sounds breath in everything and relax into this unfamiliar place that is becoming your home.
Love you.
pace,
Roxy
these "in between" periods in life, the periods of transition, are always difficult. Patience is a great virtue, just being able to wait patiently and confidently until everything will fall into place and will start feel real. I think you are on the right track trying to let your new experience to simply sink in. And by the way, this is very much where I am at right now, with just one month or so to go :-) So keep me in your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteMore by email,
Much love,
Olya